accept your white trash past
Ooooh, I got the recipe from Emily today! You know – that recipe – the crawfish fettucine? She warned me and I knew it was coming, but one of the key ingredients besides crawdad tails and fettucine is…
velveeta! *psycho shower music plays – neet! neet! neet!*
She said I could alter the recipe, but to give the Velveeta a try because it really does make the recipe taste good. I believe her because I have cooked my fair share of southern white trash recipes to know that there is actually a use for some products manufactured by Kraft, or Nabisco, or any other giant evil blood-sucking corporation that also likes to disguise themselves as Tobacco dealers. And Emily is a great cook (I even said so in a speech at her rehearsal dinner). As we approached the velveeta in the store, imagine my horror to learn that the 1 pound package was the SMALLEST size sold. Jeremy asked where the squares were and I asked him what the hell he was talking about.
jeremy: you know, the individual squares.
me: what?
jeremy: the slices of velveeta.
me: oh, you mean american cheese. that’s a different kind of crap.
jeremy: but they’re both fake cheese, or cheese food.
me: yes, it’s all crap.
I hadn’t had the foresight to defrost the crawdad meat to make the dish tonight because Emily emailed the recipe while I was at work. Instead, we each had a hot bowl of tofu masaman curry.
a mild and sweet curry
