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Recipe: teriyaki salmon collar (or fillet)

In my undergraduate years at Caltech, there was a weekend between the end of classes and the start of finals each quarter. It was officially referred to as Decompression – a time when the student association would host a free barbecue and entertainment (the improv groups were my favorites) on Friday and Saturday nights for the entire campus. I volunteered at the grill many many times, serving burgers and hot dogs to my fellow students and earning a free Decompression t-shirt with a different design each quarter.

Even though I haven’t been in school for eons, I still look to that weekend wedged between classes and finals as “decompression” because Jeremy’s schedule is tied to the academic calendar. This past weekend was THAT weekend. It also marked the end of a pretty stress-filled April with all manner of work deadlines, travel, business matters, and headaches courtesy of people who can’t seem to do their jobs (airlines come to mind). So this weekend was one in which we could take a breather, focus on things that needed attention, and be thankful for a quiet couple of days in which we regrouped and made plans for the next few months.

it also meant spending time with this little girl

Despite the frenetic pace of the past several weeks, we have noticed that Kaweah seems to walk further and stronger in the mornings than she does in the afternoons or evenings. We’ve only started her on morning walks since the weather has warmed a few weeks ago, but this change has been a nice improvement in her overall mobility and general well-being. And when she wants to dawdle and sniff every last mother-loving blade of grass, I let her. She is definitely growing more deaf and sleeping more, but she remains our sweet, dumb, cuddly pup. We’ve also noticed that she no longer stands at the baby gate with her head cocked to the side when we head out the door with our packs and gear. She just lies down on her bagel bed and takes a nap.

there’s still good snow in the high country

climbing up

skiing out

Jeremy and I went to check out the snow coverage in the high country on Sunday. It was partly cloudy with stormy clouds swirling over the high peaks. We were snowed on (yay!) and it was surprisingly quiet for a weekend. Fresh air and exercise was just the right medicine. When we got home, I made chile-lime-beer beef enchiladas. But I had to fight the urge to head to Boulder for sushi. We always crave sushi after skiing. It’s not sushi per se, but goodies from the kitchen like tempura or miso soup or one of my favorites: salmon collar (sake kama). I always get mine teriyaki-style. Making it at home has been one of those things nagging at me for years. Last week, I asked at the Whole Foods seafood counter if they had salmon collar. And they did!

four collars

i also picked up some nice sockeye salmon fillet to teriyaki

to make teriyaki: mirin, sake, soy sauce, sugar

Whenever I’ve had salmon collar in Japanese restaurants, it’s pretty small and makes for a nice appetizer. The young man helping me at the seafood counter gave me incredibly generous portions. In fact, I think he included as much as a decent-sized steak with each collar and charged me the ridiculously reduced rate for “fish bones”. I know some of you are thinking that the collar is the part you throw out – but it’s not! It’s the fatty, flavorful, tender, amazingly delicate part of the fish. Unfortunately, they only had collars from arctic farm-raised salmon because that’s all they had whole. As a rule, I purchase wild-caught, but I made an exception this once. I’m sure the wild caught salmon will start coming in whole as soon as the season ramps up. If you can’t deal with or can’t acquire salmon collar, you can easily do this recipe with salmon fillets or steaks instead.

mixing the teriyaki marinade

place the collars in a ziploc bag

if you are doing fillets, place the slices in a ziploc bag

**Jump for more butter**

Recipe: miso-glazed salmon

It was time. I had announced to Jeremy at the end of last summer that I would cut my hair after the ski resorts closed this season. I’m not especially attached to my hair. Whatever length or style it is, it always winds up being pinned or pulled back into a ponytail and/or braid so it doesn’t interfere with whatever I’m doing. But this was the first time I was cutting my hair since I lost it to chemotherapy back in 2008.

last week

For the past few decades, I’ve been in a pattern of growing my hair long for 3-4 years and cutting it very short to donate the ponytail. I was graced with great hair – my dad’s hair. He’s over 70 years old and has merely hints of a few greys in a sea of thick, black, healthy hair. I figured it was the right thing to do to donate that hair every few years so someone else could benefit. After my breast cancer diagnosis in 2007, I was sitting at the end of the table in my surgeon’s office, swinging my legs to release my nervous energy, asking what comes next. He mentioned surgery, chemo, radiation. He told me, “You will lose your nice long hair.”

No I won’t, I thought in defiance. I got it cut and dyed with blue highlights and donated the ponytail. It’s just hair. It’s easy to let it go. I did it all the time.

i’m donating 16-17 inches this time

Two weeks after my first chemo infusion, I was well enough to resume my telemark ski program. I was in the advanced class with some really wonderful women – a few of whom are dear friends to this day. We were chatting over lunch at the ski lodge, our helmets, gloves, goggles, and hats strewn about the tables. I was listening to Leyla when I reached up to my hair to tuck it behind my ears because I had forgotten it was short. But when I grabbed for the hair, it came out without any effort. I looked at my hand and there were maybe forty strands of hair resting on my fingers. My mouth opened, but no sound came out. My eyes met with the eyes of my friends as everyone fell silent. I knew this was coming, I just didn’t know when. “I guess I have an appointment with a hairdresser in Boulder this afternoon,” I smiled.

I pushed it from my mind until class was over and then I drove home, changed out of my ski clothes, and drove to a Cost Cutters in Boulder. There was no need to have anything fancy done. I just wanted my head shaved so I wouldn’t shed everywhere. Hair loss was going to be on my terms, not chemo’s terms. When the hairdresser asked me what I wanted done, I quietly explained to him that I wanted to have my head shaved because my hair was coming out, but that I needed him to be extra careful not to cut me because I was immunocompromised from chemo. He nodded and proceeded to gently shave my head, softly calling me “sweetheart” and saying, “There you go.” I had trouble looking up at the mirror, but I watched it disappear. And I was fine. I didn’t cry. I thanked him, gave him an enormous tip, settled up at the front and put a hat on as I stepped outside the shop into the cold air.

And then I sat in the car and all of the emotion I had held in check welled up out of my chest and into a stream of tears pouring down my cheeks. Everyone told me I was going to lose my hair and I was totally ready for it. Except I wasn’t. I didn’t know that it would sucker punch me the way it did. It wasn’t the hair. It was the feeling of losing control as if all of the rules of my body had changed. I was scared and I felt very much alone. Cancer is a jerk.

the new cut is called an inverted stacked bob

It would be nine months before peach fuzz began to materialize on my head and another couple of months before I observed, “Jeremy, I think my hair is coming back curly!” My once straight, thick, dense black hair was growing back finer, softer, thinner, a shade lighter, and curly. I thought it might return to normal after a few years, as some folks have reported of their experiences, but after I washed out all of the styling from my haircut on Friday it is still the post-chemo hair. What matters is that I have hair I can donate.

My braids and ponytails have been shipped to Locks of Love in the past (several times, in fact). I was going to do it again when my friend, Wendy – who was also donating her hair, looked into charitable organizations that accept hair donations. I know Locks of Love is the de facto hair donation place, but after reading up on their numbers and their wig recipients (primarily children with alopecia and not so much children with cancer), I’ve decided to send my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths (which is where Wendy’s hair went). Pantene Beautiful Lengths makes real hair wigs for women with cancer.

That felt good, to be able to donate again. I’m already starting on the next one.

short hair, just in time for summer

That’s probably the most I’ve ever talked about hair since eighth grade. For me, the thing I love most about short hair is how much less time I spend on it. Even though we’re slated to get another foot of snow Monday night (I know, right? could it BE any better?!?!?), these longer daylight hours have my mind fixated on all manner of outdoor fun this summer like hiking, mountain biking, trail running. That means I want to spend less time in the kitchen too. Wild caught salmon are showing up at my local Whole Foods, so you know that’s a good thing.

salmon, miso, mirin, rice vinegar, sesame seeds

mix the miso, mirin, and rice vinegar together

a nice paste

**Jump for more butter**